Meron akong weird principles sa buhay. Which I am aware na hindi norm and some parents and oldies might think wrong and very liberated and borderline insane. First and foremost, I have a very unconventional belief about religion. I am Pro Choice and not Pro Life. Pro RH bill. Ayoko nakikitaan ng being emotional, being mushy, and certain kind of sweetness publicly and sometimes privately. Ayoko rin ng PDA. Most especially, I am okay of me being single.
Siguro my choices and opinions were because of past experiences, yes. Or maybe because of what I have seen of others, yes. Pwede rin because I am weird and unstable, yes. Sometimes I would think to myself asking if me being alone is because "eto na yung sure akong hindi ako masasaktan" or is it because "wala rin naman kasi". I actually don't know. It could be both. It could be none of those.
So para san tong post na to? This is to remind myself na there are times I can feel very lonely. Despite my own "belief", I feel sad. Well sabi nga kasi nila, tao pa rin ako. Tsaka given naman sa mga paniniwala ko, I am bound to feel depressed about things.
May mga situation na sobrang makakapagremind sa akin na I am by myself. Like for example, for any hospital events, I am by myself. If I am sick, I take myself to the doctor. If I need a surgery or procedures done, I take myself. Minsan it is fun, since sign of independence or whatever. But most of the times, especially pag tinanong sayo ng nurse kung may kasama ako, I feel very sad. Iba pa rin nga kasi siguro ang may kasama ka or may hahawak ng kamay mo di ba? But then again.
Or ang mga times na bedridden ka because of whatever, may someone na magpapanic for you. Yung pupuntahan ka then will give you soup. Haaaaay.
I mean, okay naman ako. But sometimes di ba, you can't help it. By the way, it's my choice. Basta ang sure ako, if I'll be with someone, sure ako about it. Labo noh? Ako rin naguluhan rin eh.
It's not like I hate to love or I hate love. I love love. Parang ganito na lang. I love love so much na I can't easily give it to anyone. Or pwede rin I love my love to someone na I can't give it to that someone. Or pwede rin na I love to love love that I don't need to love other people's love. Love love, love love love, love.
Well anyway, I just think I need to blog about this. So sorry kung this is becoming dear diary-ish or sentimental. Promise next one will be baklaan. Haha.
E ganun eh.
-nyabach0i
Nalungkot ako. Napaisip din ako if what will I be when I get older. Parang ganyan din ang kahahantungan ko. Ang hirap ng ganitong sitwasyon. :(
ReplyDeleteEniwei, aabangan ko yang next post mo. Hmmm, feeling ko masarap yan. Ahahah. :D
Sana hindi naman sadness ang ending mo teh. Kumalma ka muna. :)
DeleteApir! You just nailed how I had been feeling for the past 3 years? I guess. I lost count of the years because I got used to the feeling na Im all on my own. Though I have a family to come home to, iba pa rin yung may partner to share things with. It's understandable that you get to feel lonely sometimes and its very good that you get to write about this side of you.
ReplyDeleteCheers to more baklaans to come! Pak!
Sabi na Babykat eh, makaka-relate ka kay Nyabachoi. lol
DeleteFeel ko naman, mami-meet mo na mamaya yung taong para sa'yo. *hihihi* I'm hopeful. ;)
am i sensing something between you two?!???
Deletecharoz! haaay teh mas nalungkot ako nung nabasa ko ang reaction mo. shetty ang heavy noh?
Ang serious 'teh. Pero dig ko ang sentimyento mo. Feel ko rin yan minsan. Minsan lang naman. lol, ako na. :P
ReplyDeletekorek! ako rin mismo naloka sa seriousness nitooo. edi ikaw na minsan lang! charoz!
DeleteTeh you are not alone with that feelingssss, apir tayo! Pero okay lang yan kasi mas lalong lonely ang feeling if you will settle for someone just for the sake of having a partner and feels lonely throughout the relationship. Ang saklap lang diba?
ReplyDeletePost ka na ng nakakabading or nakakatibo teh. LOL
isa ka pa! mas naloka rin ako na same same feelings! nakakaloka. nagegets kita sa partner chenez! totoo rin kasi. isa rin yan sa issues ko. basta!
Deleteeto na mas popost na!
hmmmm... may mapapagusapan na tayo sa viber hahahaha
ReplyDelete